Because Of You
by ploski3113
Summary: Meredith tells her mom how she feels. Based on the song Because Of You By Kelly Clarkson. One Shot MerDer


This takes off from the last episode we all saw. I've been thinking about this alot lately so i thought I would give it a shot. It's a songfic one shot to the song Because Of You By Kelly Clarkson.

Disclaimer:I don't own anything. Shonda Rhimes owns greys and Kelly Clarkson owns Because Of You

**-GA-**

_Mer's POV_

I changed and was about to leave to go home when I sat on the bench in the locker room replaying the night in my head. Me and Derek were done. For real done, not like S & M done but done. Like a nod in the hallway, a glance in the OR, a good morning at the nurses desk. That wasn't enough. I had been thinking all this in my head I hadn't notice Izzie all clad in scrubs walk into the resident locker room.

"You okay Mer?" She asked me not hiding the concern in her voice.

"No I'm not." I was touched by her concern so mine as well be honest.

Her face looked shocked like she expected me to ignore her or to lie.

"What's Up?" she then took a seat next to me on the bench.

"Me and Derek are through." I said with no emotion in my voice.

"Oh um um" I could tell she was struggling so I just continued on.

"Is it wrong to feel like it's all my mom's fault? I mean she's the reason I can't trust anyone and she ran my dad off leaving me with abandonment issues. It's all her fault right?"I rambled.

"Mer,did you tell Derek any of this?" She tried to get me to look in her eyes but I wouldn't.

"Nope, I wish i would yelled at her to stop ya know? Like when i was younger if I knew she would of had this big of an impact on my life, I would of stopped her and told her everything I felt. But I can't now,she's gone." I stated as a tear glistened its way down my cheek. Tear number one. Izzie looked at me and finally caught my eyes. That's when i noticed her eyes were welled up with tears too.

"Meredith, just because your mom isn't here, with us, doesn't mean you still can't tell her." She then got a page and ran off mumbling "think about it".

So that's exactly what I did. I stayed still then thought about it. Then I got up and left the hospital. When I was walking to my car I noticed a couple leaning against a black car. Then I realized that the couple was Derek and Rose. They were laughing and smiling. Another tear made it down my cheek. Tear number two. I was unlocking my car door when I heard my name being yelled out.

"Meredith wait up!" I recognized the voice, Izzie. Derek and Rose then looked at me not noticing me before. Derek gave me a weak smile while Rose just stared. I glanced back to Izzie to see her stop in front of me.

"Yeah?" I croaked, my voice cracking.

"You forgot your pager in the locker room." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, she then smiled and handed me the small black pager.

"Thanks Iz" I giggled. I couldn't believe she got me to giggle, I'm supposed to be depressed. I then put my emotionless face back on.

Izzie then started to run back toward the hospital when she turned her head and said "Remember what I said, do it soon, even if that means now!" She then quickened her pace and slid back between the hospital doors.

I stood there a minute once again thinking it over in my head. I then went back to unlocking my door. As soon as i opened it I set my stuff inside then shut the door and slid down the side. Tear number 3 made it's way down my cheek. I then stood up and walked until I was out of the happy couples view. Little did I know someone was behind me, someone with a nickname of McDreamy. Still thinking I was alone, I looked toward the sky. I then opened my mouth and spoke.

"Mom,I um-I um," I searched my head for words. "This is stupid. I'm talking to air. Izzie's so wrong. She can't hear me." I rambled out loud. Then a little voice said in my head "It's the only chance you got kid." So I started over.

"Mom, _I will not make the same_

_mistakes that you did_

_I will not let myself_

_cause my heart_

_so much misery"_

Tear 4 glistened down my face.

_"I will not break_

_the way you did_

_you fell so hard_

_I've learned the hard way_

_to never let it get that far"_

I began to speak louder as tear 5 dropped.

_"Because of you,_

_I never stray too_

_far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play_

_on the safe side_

_so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust_

_not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid..."_

I began to shake my head as tear 6 came and went.

_"I lose my way_

_and it's not to long before you_

_point it out_

_I cannot cry_

_because I know that's weakness_

_in your eyes"_

Tear 7 gone.

_"I'm forced to_

_fake a smile, a_

_laugh, every day_

_of my life_

_My heart can't possibly break when_

_it wasn't even whole to start with"_

I thought of Derek when I said this. Tear 8, bye bye.

_"Because of you_

_I never stray too_

_far from the sidewalk"_

I repeated the most important parts as tear 9 dropped.

_"Because of you_

_I learned to play_

_on the safe side_

_so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust_

_not only me, but_

_everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid"_

I began to speak sharper and faster tensing up my neck and my shoulders when tear 9 left my eyes.

_"I watched you die_

_I heard you cry_

_every night in your sleep_

_I was so young_

_you should have known better_

_than to lean on me_

_You never thought_

_of anyone else you just saw_

_your pain"_

I dropped to my knees as did tear 10.

_"And now I cry in_

_the middle of the night_

_for the same damn thing"_

I stood up and let go of tear 11.

_"Because of you_

_I never stray too far from the_

_sidewalk_

_Because of you, I_

_learnt to play on the safe side_

_so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I try my hardest just to_

_flunk at everything"_

By the time tear 12 left i was screaming.

_"Because of you_

_I don't know_

_how to let_

_anyone else in_

_Because of you_

_I'm ashamed of my life_

_because it's empty_

_Because of you I am afraid_

_...Because Of you..."_

I stopped as tear 13 slid down my cheek. I felt arms grasp me around me waist and pull me in. I jumped in surprise then turned to see Derek there staring at me in amazement. I opened my mouth to speak when Derek put his finger on my lips.

"Mer I made a mistake tonight. Your the love of my life. Your my other half, my missing puzzle piece and I was being a McAss and I let you go but I've been thinking and I want you Mer. Not Rose she's the exact opposite of you and I hate it!" Tear 14 "I love breathing for you and loving you. Nothing will ever change that, never. Not even some stupid job at a hospital. You're it for me. And I'll understand if you don't want me anymore bu-" I cut Derek off with a forceful kiss. He kissed me back and that's when tear 15 dropped. I pulled back and buried my head in Derek's chest and tear 16 fell. Along with tear 17, and 18, and 19, and 20...

_fin_

**-GA-**

So what do u guys think?

Em


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